Happy Teeth!

Except for the fact that she goes to sleep like a dream every night between 6 and 7, but then wakes up screaming like a banshee 2 hours later, this is one happy kid! She laughs and giggles all day long. Charms every stranger she sees by giving them her toothy little smile. Today I carried her in my arms into Hallmark because she's getting too heavy to carry in the infant bucket, and with all the snow here combined with my clumsiness carrying her in it isn't a good idea, and that store is way too crowded for the giant Chicco Cortina that the bucket goes in. (I knew when I left the house I was going to Hallmark - that's why I went out! so I don't know why I didn't grab the MacLaren as I left. Oh, probably because I'm lucky I remembered to dress myself.)


We've been leaving a dim light on in the bedroom when we put B to bed, so that if she wakes up and cries, we don't have to turn on the bright overhead light to get her. Last night when I put her back to bed after her 2 hour banshee act plus a feeding, she was babbling to her mobile, so I turned the light off so she couldn't see it to talk to it. She quieted right down and fell asleep, just like she does after I feed her at 5:30am. Only took me 4.5 months to figure that one out. Momma's a genius! Tonight she started her banshee act again, so I went in there and soothed her, then turned the light off. She was sucking her thumb and quiet within 30 seconds.

I hope this kid has more common sense than I currently do. I may have qualified for MENSA pre-pregnancy, but these days I belong under a dunce cap.

These are the days

There are some days I don't think my whole body gets wet when I shower because I do it so quickly. The important parts get clean.

I'm sure I've gone out without brushing my teeth.

I know I've gone out without brushing my hair, and I've gone days and days without washing it.

I almost went out in slippers the other day.

Shave my legs? What's that?!

Makeup? The people at the grocery store don't care if I look like a hag. I'm shopping during the day anyway, so the store is full of senior citizens that have worse skin than me.

I've done laundry in my pajamas. At the laundrymat.

I often eat a Pop Tart for breakfast because i can put it next to me on the sofa or bed as I feed Miss B. I often end up with the filling smeared on my shirt anyway because I'm such a klutz, so cereal would be a disaster.

The forgetfulness doesn't only extend to things I do to myself. More than once I've changed a diaper, only to forget to put a clean one on her. It's always happened at night, when I'm dead tired. I notice it when I pick her up and realize her pajamas are too roomy. Luckily I've always caught it before she wet herself.

Can you belive she's almost 4 and a half months old? I hardly can. I still look at her in amazement every day.

Giving Thanks

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since I updated! B is now 4 months old and we all survived her first cold. We also survived her first long car trip.

We spent Thanksgiving in NH with my family, and I was a little nervous about the trip. I rode up with my mom, because the husband had to work Thanksgiving morning. She's a hideously slow driver, and most rides in the car have a soundtrack of me saying, "You cannot be the slowest car on the road! It's just not safe!" Because when you're on I-95 surrounded by trucks blowing by at 80 and 90, you do not want to be in the Accord going 67. Yes, she sets her cruise control for 67, and even then she's nervous going those two whole miles per hour over the speed limit. Oy vey. Anyway, we stopped a few times on the way up, mostly for me to pee, because my bladder just isn't what it used to be. We only stopped for me to feed B once. She did get a bit cranky towards the end of the trip, but I was cranky too, so I don't blame her. The trip home was much better. I think it took us a little over 3 hours, only stopping for me.

Despite the recent loss of my dad, there was much to be thankful for this year. Last Thanksgiving I was miserable for so many reasons. This year we were surrounded by all the new babies. They were all so much fun and so good. It's amazing how much has changed in a year.

Just over a year ago I got my BFP. I never thought I'd see that. Every day when I look at little B I'm amazed that she's here. She's such a happy girl. Always wakes up with a smile. Always chatty and giggling. I barely remember what it's like to not have her here.

Teeth!

For the last couple of weeks I've suspected B was beginning to teethe, but some friends of mine thought that she was just drooling so much because that's what babies do at 3 months old. I could even see two little bulges in her bottom gums, but thought it would take a while for them to pop through.

This morning there were two new little choppers in her mouth that weren't there yesterday! Unfortunately my sweet, smiley, non-crying girl has turned into a screaming demon. I'm so glad I bought some Hyland's Teething Tablets last week at Babies R Us!

I know they're hard to see - because it's tough to aim a cell phone camera at a screaming, writhing baby - but they're there!

Happy Halloween!

Boo!

Smiley Girl is Ready for Baseball!

I love when I hear her fussing in her crib and I go in to check on her and she just looks up and smiles at me as if to say "Hey Mamma! I was just missing you, so I wanted you to come in and look at me!"










This is just a bonus picture because her daddy is a Mets fan, and I have better taste than that!

Bring Rayna Home!

Rayna has been found! Thank you to anyone that passed this information on.

Seeing Ghosts

My dad passed away last week after a very long battle with Alzheimer's Disease. It was very much for the best, as he'd been suffering for at least 10 years. A friend said to me that he was able to go because my sister and I had both been recently blessed with the babies we'd tried so hard and so long to have. I actually had a feeling when I had B that it would finally be his time to leave us. Little did I know how true that would be just 10 weeks later. It makes me very sad that my father had three grandchildren that he not even never met, but never even knew he had.

The last three nights while I was feeding B in the middle of the night, she suddenly went from very sleepy to wide awake, turning her head up and to the left, eyes looking towards the ceiling, and began to giggle. The giggling went on for minutes at a time. I hadn't said it out loud to anyone, but I've been thinking that it's my dad looking down at her and making her laugh. I mentioned it to the husband last night and he said "she's talking to ghosts." Then I mentioned it to my mom today and she said that she was looking at ghosts. I'm sure they're both thinking the same as me.

Just call me "Baldy"

The post-partum hair loss has begun! Between hair loss from my anemia and this, I'm going to be balder than the hubby before the end of the year.

6 weeks old!

And I am so freaking tired! I guess I cant complain much though. She does let me sleep about 6 hours at night, although they're not uninterrupted. Oh well. She's cute, so I guess I'll keep her.

Some days she's good and calm and quiet for 2-3 hours at a time, and only needs to eat every 4 hours (my wish for daytime), and others she wants to just graze all day long and never stops crying. Just when she seems to have a predictable pattern, she changes it.

Her looks change every day, too. It's hard to say who she looks like because both the husband and I have red hair and green eyes. I think she has my nose and lips. Hard to say, though.

"She has red hair!"

In a nutshell... I went in for an induction on Tuesday (8/4/09) afternoon, but I was already in mild labor so I couldn't actually use the cervidil I was supposed to. 46 hours, cervidil, cytotec, an epidural, morphine, and an emergency c-section later, Bridget Catherine joined us at 2:09pm on Thursday, August 8th, weighing in at 6 lbs., 9 ounces, and 19 inches. As they took her out, one of the nurses said, "She has red hair!" and she certainly does.

We are completely in love, and she was completely worth the wait. For those of you that stop by here and have been on a similar journey - it's so, so very worth every drug, needle stick, doctor's visit, unanswered question, and moment of misery along the way. If you're expecting - enjoy it. Despite the scares and issues, I loved being pregnant. And now, despite the hell I went through to get her here, and the pain I'm still in (OMG the swelling I still have from all those hours on IV fluid!), I love this little bundle of joy more than I ever could have imagined.

No, really the end IS near!

OMG! As of last night I'm fingertip dilated with a soft cervix, and I'm waiting for a call back from the doctor to confirm that I'll be induced on Tuesday night and deliver Wednesday morning! But, I could go into labor on my own at any time! I'm terrified of being induced, but it is what it is, and well, she'll be here!

Less than a week!

The end is near!

On Monday I had my now weekly OB appointment, and was informed that the kiddo will be making her appearance no later than my due date of August 9th because of the gestational diabetes. I'm terrified. Who thought this was a good idea?

As much as I'm terrified at the prospect of the end being firmly in sight, I'm also ready to be done with being pregnant. The pressure and ache in my pelvis is sometimes unbearable, especially first thing in the morning. It literally pains me to go from laying to standing, and takes me a minute or two to actually take a step once I get myself upright. As the day wears on it seems I feel less pressure, which makes no sense to me, but I guess it is what it is.

Insulin

Diet wasn't working to keep my fasting number down (my glucose reading first thing in the morning before eating), so I've had to move on to insulin injections at night. I started at 5 units, then went up to 10, then 12, which seemed to work for a bit, but now I'm up to 14 for the last two days, and I've had one good and one bad day. The worst part of it all is that I can't have any carbs at breakfast. Do you know how hard it is to avoid carbs at breakfast? I'm getting really tired of eggs. I also drink Atkins diet shakes in the morning, but they're really not all that good.

8 more weeks... 8 more weeks

Much better

I saw a nutritionist this morning and the endo after that. I feel much much better. The nutritionist said that I was eating way too few calories, and that was evidenced by a 3 pound loss since Monday. That puts me at -15 for the pregnancy. She said I have to eat. Who ever would have guessed you'd have to encourage the fat girl to eat? She specifically said I need to snack more, but I've been at a loss for what to snack on. She said just about any 100 Calorie Pack would be perfect. I nearly hugged her. Chocolate! Crunchy but not veggies! Did I mention chocolate? I had chocolate covered pretzels tonight. Oh there is a God. I love that woman.

The endo was concerned that my glucose tends to spike with breakfast. I have to keep trying to control it with diet, but she did say that having a snack before bed (omg yay more encouraging of the chocolate snacks!) could help that a bit. If there's no improvement by next Friday I'll start a tiny dose of insulin at night. She also put me at ease that an occasional spike as mild as I've been having (130's to 150's) are nothing to be alarmed about as long as they remain occasional.

I feel so much better about this. Not that I have a choice, but I do feel more able to deal with this than I did before.

Moody bitch

I think this is the moodiest I've been all pregnancy. I can't even count how many times I've cried today. I cried because the bread I bought had too many carbs per slice, because peanut butter has carbs, because I can't have ice cream or chocolate, because the doctor wasn't in when I called because my glucose was too high, because my glucose was too high despite eating under my carb limit.

Eleven more weeks. Someone better bring me ice cream, a coke, and a loaf of bread when I'm in the hospital.

Gestational Diabetes

After failing the one hour glucose tolerance test, last Monday I took the three hour tolerance test, and failed that as well. Gestational diabetes. Friday I saw an endocrinologist and learned to test my blood before and after every meal, and learned what I can and can't eat. Bascially I can't eat anything that I was eating before. I've been living on carbs for the last 6 months, and now that's a no no. I also haven't been terribly hungry for the last 6 months, and now all of a sudden I'm starving all the time, which makes it even worse that I can't just pop whatever I want into my mouth.

So far I've lost 12 pounds this pregnancy, and that's from eating nothing but garbage. Doing no carbs is worse than doing weight watchers! I'm sure I'm going to lose more weight. I've been eating low carb for 2 days now, and I go to the OB this morning, so I'm curious to see if I lost more since Friday.

26, almost 27 weeks

I'm 26w5d today. All is still well for the most part. I had my one hour glucose test on Monday, and failed. So, it's off to the lab this coming Monday where I get to spend 3 to 4 glorious hours for the 3 hour glucose test. Isn't that fun?

Babygirl moves a ton now. Sometimes it's completely freaky, especially when I can see my stomach moving. JB has only felt her once. She'll be dancing around like mad, and I'll call him over to feel it, and she stops completely. She's totally f'ing with him!

22 weeks

And all is well.

My fluid has increased, we were able to see her heart and face clearly on Friday, and both are fine. She's moving a lot now, and while it was very freaky at first, it's reassuring now. I'm still down 9 pounds, but my pants continue to be bigger and bigger on me. I'm holding off buying anything else for a few more weeks.

Kid, you don't make things easy, do you?

Wednesday was the anatomy scan to make sure the girly has all the parts she's supposed to. Dr. Bitch, who did my ultrascreen sono and beat the shit out of me, did the anatomy scan too. She's got the personality of a cold dead fish. Baby wasn't moving much, so Bitchface kept jabbing me with the wand to get her to move. Babygirl is just like mamma and was none too pleased by that and ignored Dr. Bitch. Good girl! Then Bitchypoo decided that my amniotic fluid was low, therefor I must be leaking from my amnio and now I need to be on bed rest. She went to call my OB to consult with him, but he happened to be in the office.

Off JB and I went to his office where he confirmed that my fluid has always been low, and he didn't think I was leaking if I hadn't noticed anything. He said I did not need to be on bed rest, but should take it easy. Take that, bitch. He did recommend I get a second opinion at the hospital by the doc that did my amnio, and that doc would be able to do a better anatomy scan.

So, off to the hospital I was this morning. This doctor confirmed my fluid is and has always been on the low side, and he was able to see almost all of baby, and confirm things are in working order. He's bringing me back again in 2 weeks to recheck my fluid and get a better look at her face to make sure she doesn't have a cleft lip, and he wants a better picture of her heart. Her heart looks fine, he just wants a better picture.

It's a....

GIRL!

We're so excited to know it's not an "It" in there anymore, but our little girl.

Hang in there sweet one, you're halfway through!

NORMAL!!!

My OB just called - the hospital called him with preliminary results, and genetics are blessedly normal! Thank you thank you thank you!

Third Time's a Charm

Mission complete. The same nurse, Rose, I'd had the last two times came in and said she didn't even bother filling out the paperwork because she didn't want to jinx it. As soon as she did the ultrasound, all three of us could see a clear view of the baby. Woohoo! She went to get the "team" together and things were quickly underway.

I felt the needle go into my stomach, and it was pinchy he entire time. The rest just felt like a lot of pressure. I couldn't look at the overhead monitor at all. I didn't really want to know what was going on in there. They took several vials of fluid, and ended up with 2 keepers. One for FISH results, and one for the complete analysis. Rose did say during the ultrasound that everything looked good and there were no deformities that they usually see with Trisomy 18.

After I was all cleaned up and dressed, JB and I delivered the vials to the geneticist who explained what they were looking for and asked if we had any questions. After that we were good to go. Now I just have to stay off my feet for a few days, and call for the results on Friday.

18w1d

OB checkup today. No u/s. I was surprised, but I guess I've had enough in the last 2 weeks, and will have another with amnio attempt number 3 this week. He found the baby's heartbeat right away, and it was a nice strong 160 bpm. I also had a spina bifida screening this week. I almost hesitated to sign the consent for it. I just don't want anymore false positives. I can't take it anymore. I'll be so relieved once we have the amnio results, and just about completely relieved after the anatomy scan next week.

We joked about names yesterday on our way home from visiting friends. Rather, I called out ridiculous names that JB just laughed at. Our child will not be named any of the following:
Lexus
Infiniti
Ikea
Sequoia
Brooke Lynne
Toyota
Saturn
Mazda
Brooklyn Queens Expressway
Verrazano
Escalade (pronounced Eska-ladee)
Earl

I know you're relieved.

2 + 3 = 0

Second amnio, three doctors, nothing.

The second attempt at an amnio yesterday was yet another no-go. The placenta is still anterior, and every time a small pocket that might have worked opened up, there either wasn't enough fluid, or the baby's head was too close to risk it. Three doctors were in the room with me for the 45 minutes or so that they tried to get this done. They tried everything - me laying on my side, having my bladder full, shaking my stomach, having me cough to make the baby move. Nothing worked well enough.

We did get to see a lot of the baby this time, though. The spine was very clear, bones in the hand and arm. We saw it kick. We even saw details of the heart, although not enough to be assured it's a properly formed 4-chambered heart. That's not what we were there for, so it's not even a concern to me.

The fact that we were able to see so much of the baby this time gives me hope that next week everything will work out just fine and it'll be done at last.

Another week of waiting

The amnio didn't happen today. I have an anterior placenta, and it's covering the entire front of my uterus. On top of that, my placenta is very vascular, so I'll bleed a lot if they pierce it, so they only want to do it as a last resort. If they would have attempted it today, the only place they could have gone in was through my belly button, and I was having none of that. Luckily, neither was my doctor. I'll be going back next Wednesday. Great, another week of waiting and wondering.

All Day Sickness

I had about 2 weeks of no nausea or vomiting, and all of a sudden since Friday, it's back with a vengeance. I've been thinking a lot about tomorrow's amnio, so it could be nerves. Right? The needle is actually scaring me more than what the results could be. I'm going to end up working myself into a panic attack, I just know it.

What if...

What if the results of the ultrascreen are right? The test came back fine for Down's, but with a 1 in 11 chance for Trisomy 18 or 13. I'm freaking out. Freaking. (Do not google. It's not good. You don't really want to know.)

I've gotten a lot of good advice and kind words from friends that have been in the same position and had happy endings, so that's making it a bit easier to wait the three weeks until I can have an amnio. The irony is that I told JB i wouldn't have an amnio unless there was a dire need. It wasn't something I was willing to subject myself to for no reason other than that I'm "old." The doctor presented it to me as an option today, but really, is there any option?

Does anyone have a time machine to get me through until February 25th?

12 weeks

I'm nervous as hell. Tomorrow is the ultrascreen test. I'm so scared there isn't going to be anything in there at all. If there's something wrong with the baby, we can get through it, but what if there's no one in there? Nausea has mostly subsided (although I probably just cursed myself), but I'm still exhausted all the time. I'm also not showing at all. Nothing. My pants still fit. My shirts are fine. I feel odd if I lay on my stomach, but there's nothing there.

JB put these ideas in my head. The other night we were talking and he said he wishes we hadn't told anyone yet because "what if?" Ugh! Don't "what if" me, man!

What if?