7w5d

We had an ultrasound on the 17th, and we go to see the heartbeat, and confirm there's just one peanut in there. My only consistent symptom remains being tired all the time. I occasionally get nauseous, mostly at night, but I've only actually tossed my cookies twice.

Sometimes I still don't believe it's real. Maybe when my clothes start getting too tight it'll be more of a reality. I bought my first maternity clothes today because they were on a huge markdown. I've got my eye out for something cute, because my 20 year high school reunion is in March. As if I'll find anything. I'm already far from thin, so I'll just look even worse in 3 months. Bleh.

It was an email that prompted me to go looking for a sale on maternity clothes. I got an email from a website that's going out of business. Their jeans were marked down by 70%. Unfortunately these were the jeans:


Who wears these? How do they stay up? I can't even imagine they'd be comfortable. They must always feel like they're about to fall down.

So far...

I called my RE Friday morning, because I wasn't sure whether to call her, or my OBGYN. As usual the RE's office was rude, and basically told me since I hadn't been monitored this cycle I was on my own, and call them if I needed them again. Wow. Not that I expected anything more from them, but it really never ceased to amaze me how lacking in compassion these people were. If this sodabread I've got baking away sticks, I'll be sending an email or letter letting the RE's office know exactly how enormously shitty they are.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get through to the OBGYN, but always got the machine. Finally I decided it was an emergency and I held on for the service to answer, just so I could find out their hours. They're closed on Fridays! So now I'm anxiously awaiting morning so I can call. I hope they can get me in tomorrow.

I've been slightly nauseous all weekend, but only threw up on Friday night, and I think that was just from the food I ate while I was out with a friend. Other than that, all I want to do is sleep.

Sooooo I peed on a stick

...and there were 2 beautiful pink lines. We're in shock, and a bit of disbelief.

46ish cycles, 1 HSG, 3 IUIs, 4 SAs, Clomid, stress, arguments, tears, anger, frustration, and the one month we take a break, the one month we only did the deed once, the month we didn't try.

Thank you all of you who have kept me in your prayers and thoughts, those of you who have rooted for us in the short time I've been blogging. Thank you, truly. I hope you all get your moment like this, and I hope to read every single happy word of it.

To POAS or not?

I didn't really chart this month, but all signs pointed to O 2 weeks ago today. No sign of the red menace, no typical symptoms other than my usual bitchiness. My LP is usually 17 days, so I'm hesitant to even consider POAS yet, especially since I have low progesterone and didn't take any this cycle. I have to go to Target tomorrow because it seems it's the Christmas season, so I should get on the ball about cards, so I guess I'll pick up a box of pee sticks while I'm there.

As much as I'm trying not to even consider that I'll get a BFP, in the back of my head I keep thinking that it will have worked this month because we didn't try.

That reminds me...

Another blogger's recent post reminded me of something I said to someone recently (damned if I remember who though)... Some days I'd just like to be finally pregnant so that sex can be a recreational activity again, and not a fucking science experiment.

And yet another blog reminded me that I signed up for NaBloPoMo a week or so ago, and then immediately forgot about it. Maybe in December.

Let's Go Already!

On the way home from the SIL's this morning I told JB that I've never been so anxious for my period to come. I'm ready to move on to the next cycle. Every time I move the boxes of Follistim that are in the fridge I just think "Soon my little tubes of hormonal fun... soon I will inject you." I'm ready. I'm ready for my last IUI, and I'm ready to do IVF if that doesn't work. Let's go already!

A year

Friday, November 21 will be one year since I've been jobless. I'd only been with the company for 9 months, and I was the happiest I ever was at a job. I was promoted 6 weeks after I started, and received a 20% raise. Clearly I wasn't doing a bad job. Last year on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, my entire department was eliminated. Happy Holidays! Surprisingly, I wasn't angry, but I think I was just in shock. I calmly called JB and told him, then took one of the other girls in that was let go out to breakfast. It was the second time in 13 months that I found myself unemployed. (In my previous job, I knew my first week there that it was not the job or company for me, and I stuck it out for almost 2 years in a battle of who would give in first. Other than that I tend to stay at jobs for a long time, usually 5-7 years.) This time was different. I knew there was a reason.

Just a week earlier I had made an appointment with my OB/GYN to discuss TTC and the lack of C. We were ready to get really serious about it, something we hadn't been in all the time we were trying. My appointment with him was on January 2. He immediately sent me for an HSG and told me to come back in three months or when I got pregnant, whichever came first.

Three months later I was back. I walked out with a prescription for Clomid and the name of my RE. I'm usually a big wuss about calling doctors, but as soon as my next cycle started and I took the Clomid, I was on the phone with the RE.

Since that call, my life has revolved around RE appointments. I can't imagine doing this if I'd looked for and gotten a job right away a year ago. How would I have explained to a new employer that I needed to be late 2 or 3 days a week, with little to no notice? If it was a job I'd been at for a while, sure, but no way as a newbie. It's been a rough year with only one income. We've cut out a lot of luxuries like going out to eat every weekend, big impulse buys, and things like that. But in other ways it's been good for us. We're (ok, Me) much better with spending money wisely, we have more in savings that we have in a long time, we've paid off a big chunk of debt, and most of all, our relationship with each other is better than it ever was.

I'm not the best housekeeper by any means, but I do love cooking for us every night. We used to have takeout several nights a week because I got home from work so late. I've been able to work on my photography, although my ambition in that department has been lacking lately (know someone local to me that wants to model for me in exchange for prints? Email me!) I actually like doing the laundry too, despite having to bring it to the laundromat. I like having it smell the way I want it to instead of like the laundrymat's fabric softener like it did when we could afford drop off service.

So, thanks Adam and Greg for eliminating my department and job, giving me the opportunity to better my life and try to have a baby.

Just in case...

anyone from my family happens to wander over here from any of my other blogs, I just want to say...

Katie and Jen, I'm really happy for both of you. I truly am. It's just hard.

Welcome home! Everyone's pregnant but you.

Fantastic. My cousin, and another cousin's wife are both pregnant, my mother called to tell me tonight. She even had the nerve to tell me that one of them had been trying "so long." Really, Mom? Really? Because we've been trying since before she got married 4 years ago. Then she had even more nerve to tell me to "relax and it will happen." It's really fucking hard to relax when you have to get poked and prodded every few days to figure out why the fuck you're not getting pregnant, and keep wondering if the latest drug concoction and procedure is the right one this time. I'm already dreading these baby showers. On the other hand, I was a little sad to not be spending the holidays with that side of the family this year, but suddenly I'm much happier about that.

Gone Fishin'

Yes, literally. Florida State Fishing License in hand, we leave at 3:45am tomorrow for the Keys, which is fisherman's paradise. I'm really looking forward to this mental break. Last time we went I was the better fisher-person of the two of us, although JB hauled in (and released) a nice Goliath grouper. If you ask him, he'll even grudgingly admit I'm better than him. That's only because I've been fishing since I was 3 years old. He waited for 33 to start. I assure you, our kid(s) will start as early as I did.

Gook luck to everyone while I'm away, and see you next week!

On the brighter side of things...

...I'll be able to enjoy massive quantities of rum on vacation next week.

In other words, negative.
I won't be pregnant before our 7th anniversary.
I won't be pregnant before I'm 37.

This next cycle will even be completely up in the air. If this next cycle follows my previous history, AF will show up on day 2 or 3 of vacation. (Oh joy! On our anniversary! What a treat!) The RE usually sees me on day 3, 4, or 5 to prescribe that cycle. I won't be able to get in to see her before CD6 or 7. We discussed injectables last cycle and ordered them. Thousands of dollars of Follistim are sitting in my fridge. I was really hoping to be able to donate it to someone who isn't as fortunate as me with drug coverage, but now they'll be mine. The question is whether I'll be using them this cycle or next. If we're not back for me to see the doctor in time this cycle (she won't start a new course of action without a sonogram and blood test to reconfirm no pregnancy - ya know, because AF isn't enough) we'll just go natural and skip IUI this month. At least that's what I'm thinking now. I could take the Follistim pen with me and try to convince the doctor to just let me start, but I don't really want to deal with the hassle of flying with needles and liquids.

Now, pass me a bottle of Cruzan.

Just a few more hours of waiting

I'll have a call before 3pm!

Why do RE's offices allow patients to bring children with them? I've heard of some that don't, but mine clearly doesn't have that rule. It seems like there's always a child there. I don't always mind so much if it's an older child, but so often women come in with infants. Yes, I know people want to have children close together sometimes, but it just doesn't seem nice to other patients to parade your baby around in there. Heck even message boards have baby-free zones, including a small one that I moderate. You just don't do it, you know?

Today was just bizarre though. There were three of us in the waiting room, and a woman came in with a 9 month old. How do I know it was a 9 month old? Well, she sat down next to one of the other women and started saying "Isn't she cute? Look at her trying to stand! She's only 9 months old and she thinks she can walk! Silly girl! I love my baby!" and then the final straw, she turned to the woman next to her and said, "Do you have babies waiting for you at home?" WTF? Have you no sense of decorum, woman? I'm glad your treatment obviously worked, but that was not the place to show off your baby.

By popular demand!

I have nothing new to report. ;-) Tomorrow's the big blood test day. I'm protesting POAS. Why spend $10 on them, when I just have to spend another $30 at the doctor anyway? (Of course if I get a BFP from the doctor, I'll run right out and get a pee stick for the sake of photography!)

Stay tuned...

Bleeeeh

Day two of no appetite and constant nausea. Interesting.

(Although Progesterone did that to me last month, too. Another cruel joke.)

God's Little Joke

That's what this is, you know. We were the first of all of the kids on JB's father's side to get married because we didn't have a bun in the oven. Three out of seven cousins had children before us, and all were pregnant out of wedlock in this oh so Catholic family. So, we often say that it's God's little joke for actually wanting to get married and have kids, instead of just finding ourselves pregnant and having the obligatory exchange of vows. Since we embarked on this barren journey, two more of his cousins have given birth to little oopsies.

Very funny, God. Time to end the joke.

Friendship Award

I've been tagged by OhEmily, a fellow infertility blogger that I just started following recently. She's from Finland. (Did I get that right, Emily? Why do I want to say you're from Denmark? ) Thank you for tagging me, Emily, and I look forward to getting to know more about you, including knowing for sure where you're from, and finding a happy end to your if journey.

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
I recently reconnected with a lot of childhood friends via Facebook, and I have to say, it's been a blast. I have one friend, Alex, that I grew up with but don't see often, but when we do see each other, it's like we've never been apart.

2. What do you value most about your friends?
Support, non-judgement, honesty.

3. Are your friends sounding boards?
Absolutely!

4. What is your favorite activity to share with friends?
Drinking, eating, spending time with each other laughing. Time spent laughing with good friends can make all your troubles go away, if only for a little while.

I'm tagging ThinkingMiracles, another fellow IF blogger.

IUI #3 complete

JB couldn't come with me to the RE today, so I transported his deposit in my pocket. I find it odd that I have to produce a copy of his drivers license at the andrology/morphology lab when I present them with his goods. As if that proves it came from him. "Ah yes, his swimmers look just like him!" I killed the hour waiting by getting a cup of coffee and getting cheap less expensive gas at a station that was surprisingly full service. When I first started driving I swore I'd never pump my own gas. Silly 17 year old! Now it seems completely alien to me to not to pump my own.

Back at the RE I didn't have to wait long when I got back. I was shown to the room and the nurse came in immediately to confirm that the goods were JB's goods. Again with the license. Good numbers today. We got that squared away, she set up, I emptied my bladder, got undressed, climbed up on the table, put the paper drape over me, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally Dr. Brad walked in, followed by the FNP that I don't like. (Dr. Brad was also the doc on my first IUI back in July. While we were waiting in he waiting area, I overheard him being introduced to the front desk staff because it was his first day. I believe I was his first patient/procedure in the practice.) He was quite chatty today, which is always odd when you're sitting there with no pants on. He said he hoped it was a pointless conversation, but we're going with injectables next cycle, but he really hoped it was a moot conversation. Yay for being positive, Dr. B! He continued to be chatty throughout the procedure, which again, is odd, but better then a sullen doctor, right? Just a mild burning sensation and it was all over.

Back again in 2 weeks for a pregnancy test. Let's keep everything crossed!

Well finally!

I was getting angrier by the minute waiting for the RE's office to call (or not) today, and decided to go out to Target. Of course they called as soon as I left to tell me my levels are good, and come in for an IUI tomorrow.

Here we go!

Can you believe I'm STILL waiting?

CD20, and still no IUI.

The FNP reprimanded me this morning for having the Follistim delivered there. I never did like her, and I've had words with her before, so this was just lovely. I'm a freaking slave to going there everyday, and no one could tell me for sure whether this package was coming on Friday or Saturday, and it required a signature. I sure as hell wasn't sitting around all day waiting for it when they're there 7 days a week.

I also asked her when exactly I needed to take this, since it was so urgent in the first place, and she said, "Well, maybe next cycle." I wanted to knock her goddamn head off. I cannot believe that they made me almost hysterical trying to get the meds, then she answered me so non-chalantly?

Of course I'm back AGAIN tomorrow for blood again. I feel like I'm ovulating right now. This minute. But no phone call from them to say that I was showing a surge in my blood today, but who knows.

...and another thing

Now I'm probably not taking the Follistim this cycle. After all that drama, now it's too late, or something. The hell? I have THOUSANDS of dollars worth of it in my fridge right now. Thank God I didn't pay for it. I just don't get it. She talked to me about it on Monday, why the hell didn't she either act on it sooner, or not have me get it this time? Their office is the one that insists that I can only buy these drugs three times in my lifetime, and now they've gone and wasted a chance? I'm so annoyed by them.

Be aware of your insurance rights!

If you are struggling with infertility and don't know what your insurance will cover, please check the ASRM (American Society of Reproductive Medicine) website to see what coverage is available to you by state law. I found out through this that my 4 rounds of Clomid so far should have been covered by insurance, so now I have to a) find the receipts for it (which I know I threw at least 1 out), and b) fill out forms to fight for it. At least I'll know if I need it again that I need to fill out the form right away. How sneaky of them though! If I never found that link, I never would have known.

Come on, already!

I have the slowest freaking ovaries on the planet, I swear.

On Thursday I was back at the good ol' RE for blood, sono, and injection lessons. I'm sure I'll be fine after the first one, but I am dreading it. Thursday's exam showed 2 growing follies, and "many small ones." After all that I met with the... I don't know what she was - she's the clinic's expert on getting patients the most drugs for the least money, and within what your insurance plan allows. I had already called the insurance company about the injectables, and they never mentioned a limit on how many times I can be prescribed them, but the clinic expert insists that I can only get them three times in a lifetime. Since it's my nature, I argued with her, but really, whatever at this point. Dr. S said she would over-prescribe so that if I need them again next cycle I don't use up another chance, and I'll just have it on hand.

The expert called me back Thursday afternoon to tell me it was all taken care of, and I'd be getting a call from the pharmacy to set up delivery. The pharmacy called Thursday night to confirm some details, and said that I'd be receiving the package Saturday and it required a signature. Crap! FedEx service is so unreliable here - sometimes they don't even ring the bell and just leave the stupid note that they were there, so I wasn't trusting that. We've also had packages signed for by the super, and he doesn't tell us for 2-3 days. Luckily since the RE office is open on weekends, I just had it sent there.

Friday night the pharmacy calls again to tell me there's a problem with the prescription. Dr. S had said she was going to prescribe Follistim, but the expert said that insurance companies prefer Gonal-F, so Dr. S said ok, she'd prescribe that instead. I don't know what the difference is - they're both brand names of the same drug, urofollitropin. (Ugh, I just saw the side effects - great.) So anyway, the nice woman on the phone said the script came through for Follistim, and she was all worried about it costing more and she couldn't get the doctor's office to call back, and she didn't want me to spend so much. I asked her what my cost would be and she said she didn't know yet, but wanted to give me a heads up and see if I could reach the doctor. Since it was almost 8pm and she was frantic, I asked her to just get me the cost for the Follistim before there was any panic. She called me back a few minutes later and apologized that my copay was going to be $25. Please, no apology necessary. I think I can swing that. She was so relieved it wasn't an issue for me. Despite the crappy economy, $25 for thousands of dollars worth of drugs is just fine with me.

This morning we rushed from NJ to get to my RE appointment at 8:15. I think I like going on Sundays - I was in and out in 10 minutes. Today I'm at CD18, and I have an 18mm and 11mm follicle, and still have "many" small ones. The nurse said she'd call if my blood indicated I should start my injections tonight, but no call as of almost 4pm, so I'm assuming no. I'm back again tomorrow for just blood to see if I need to start them tomorrow. I want to just do it already because I'm so anxious about it!

You know, when JB and I talked about kids before we were married we would go back and forth about having 2 or 3 kids (I wanted 3, he wanted 2), and now we'd give anything for just one. I certainly don't think I could put myself through all this again when and if we even get to have one child.

Pregnant people everywhere

Except here.

These people are currently pissing me off. Could Mama "Clown Car Vagina" Duggar say, "children are God's gift" just one more time, please? Where's my gift? Am I not good enough?

Sometimes customer service people do go above and beyond

After looking at the possible costs for injectables, calling my mom and crying to her about it, crying to my sister in law Liz, crying to my internet friends - all literally, as yesterday was the day of tears from morning till night, I started calling our various insurance providers to see what the deal was.

I never questioned Clomid not being covered, because I knew from others that had been on it that it's rare that it's covered. I figured who could it hurt to call and ask about Follistim. First I called our health insurance, because we have some kind of additional rider on our policy that is supposed to cover some drugs that aren't covered under our prescription insurance. No dice there. They were so rude, but that's par for the course.

Next I called our prescription drug insurance company. The first girl I spoke to was very helpful, and said she couldn't help me, but transfered me to the specialty pharmacy division. I spoke for a bit with the girl there, giving her all of my information and the doctor's information, and she said they'd get back to me.

It sort of slipped my mind today that I needed to follow-up with them if I didn't get a call, but they called me back as we were eating dinner. (Gotta love caller ID on the TV screen - I nearly flew off the sofa when I saw who was calling.) The bad news she had for me was that I was not covered by them for this drug. The good news was that she knew by JB's employer that we did have coverage for this on yet a different insurance plan. She was even nice enough to give me the phone number and the web site for this coverage.

I remember we used to have member cards for this insurance, but then we got other drug plan insurance cards, and I think we assumed that they replaced this other thing, so we threw them out. Typical me.

I went to the website and clicked on the member button. It asked for member ID number to set up an account, so I tried the obvious, and it worked! I was in! I plugged in the information to price out the Follistim, but it came back that I would have to call for a price. Off to the phone! I navigated several menus, plugged in the same info over and over again, and finally just pressed 0 in hopes that there was a human somewhere on the other end. After holding a bit an angel came on the line. I gave her the basic information that she asked for and she said YES! OMG OMG OMG!

We have a $100 deductible, and once that is met, the Follistim will be $25! OMG! I'd even be happy to pay $100 for it!

JB's told me before that his coworkers bitch about copays - doctor visits are $15, and covered drugs (which are 99% of what most people ever need) are $5. Cost to employees? ZERO. How many people in the US get FREE health insurance? We pay ZERO for IUI's. My fertility treatments so far have been about $15,000 and it's cost us maybe $400 out of pocket, not including Clomid and HCG. (Speaking of which, if I need that again next month, I'll have to see if that's covered too. Fortunately the cost of that is a lot easier to swallow that the Follistim if it isn't.) If JB ever tells me again that one of his coworkers bitched about copays, I will personally go punch them in the face.

Injectables

SIgh. I don't mind getting shots, I'm used to being stuck with needles for bloodwork all the time now, but I cringe at the thought of having to give myself an injection. But now it's come to that. On Thursday I'm going in for the usual b/w and sono, and then to learn how to give myself injections of Follistim.

Sadly, I'm not only terrified of giving myself shots, I'm terrified of what this is going to cost. I know we're very lucky to have the insurance we do, but doesn't make spending hundreds of dollars a month on non-insured drugs any easier to swallow.

Anemia

At an RE appointment a few weeks ago, the doctor said my iron count was a bit low, and to try to get it up with diet. For weeks I've tried to get it up by eating foods that are rich in iron - shellfish, leafy greens, beef, etc. This week the doctor reported that my numbers are even lower, so she prescribed me Repliva 21/7. So far the only effects I feel are constipated and stinky. Ew.

Drugs and Insurance

It's on to the next cycle. Dr. S decided to skip right over 200mg of Clomid to 250mg a day for five days. She also warned that even if I hadn't experienced much in the way of side effects before, I more than likely will now. I guess I've been fairly lucky. I have gotten hot flashes and some mood swings, but it looks like I might be in for a real roller coaster this month. In addition to the Clomid, I will again get a shot of HCG to ensure ovulation.

The thrilling part of all that? Neither Clomid nor HCG is covered by insurance. Nor is either one cheap. Today's grand total for both of these? $143. That is unreal. While I know great strides have been taken in recent years for insurance to cover fertility-related doctors visits, for the most part drugs are not covered.

We really are very lucky with our health insurance. We don't pay for it, our co-pays are only $15, and when it comes to fertility coverage, we don't pay anything for IUI's and we are entitled to an unlimited number of them until I turn 44 years old. I recently added up what our insurance company was billed from my RE in July and August, and it was just under $10,000. Our out of pocket expenses for the same period were probably $200, excluding drugs.

Given the medical treatment I'm allowed to have I really shouldn't complain about drugs not being covered, but at the same time for all that has been paid out for me over the last few months, are drugs just a cost that would put it all over the top?

I can't take this anymore

I'm not pregnant again. I can't take what these drugs to do me. For the last 2 weeks I've been exhausted, and I had morning sickness for the last week. I really should get a job because I'm bored out of my fucking mind, but how do I tell a new employer that I need to be late 3 days a week for 3 weeks a month? Yeah, doesn't work.

Nothing new

I've been feeling exhausted the last few days... Like falling asleep an hour after getting up in the morning and having a solid 7-8 hours of sleep. I'm also nauseous all the time, and have little to no appetite. Threw up in the bathroom sink this morning.

Hmmm.....

Must resist the urge to pee on a sick!

Progesterone time again!

I started my 400mg of progesterone last night. It doesn't seem to be as messy this time, but I'm sure it's just because I didn't sleep well last night, so everything is just a blur.

IUI #2

We arrived at the lab this morning to "produce" before they even opened. The building where the office is is creepy on Sunday. Most of the lights in the halls are off, and there's no one in the parking garage.

We waited a bit, then he went in to do his thing. They told us to come back in an hour. I really hoped that didn't mean 3 hours like the last time. We went to get breakfast, then were back in the office at 9:15. Just a little after 9:30 they were ready for us.

We went in and confirmed it was JB's sample, and the nurse said the count was excellent this time. More than twice last time. Awesome!

A few minutes later my doctor came in and we were ready to go. Before it started I was mentally telling myself to relax, just let it happen. I knew that if I relaxed it would be a lot easier. The last time I was so nervous and tense I kept cramping. It hurt a lot, and seemed to take forever. The doc was done before I even knew it started. She said, "Ok good luck!" and I was all "that's it?!" I could barely walk last time I was shaking so much. I drove us home this time.

Two more days until I begin the progesterone again. Yuck!

HCG

I had one nice big follicle today, so I got my HCG shot. I also have one smaller follicle, something like 16mm maybe? The big one was 20.5. The injection site just started to burn and ache... more than 12 hours later.

IUI tomorrow morning!

Two eggs on tap

As of this morning I have a 16mm follicle, and a 10mm follicle. Back on Saturday for another sonogram, and if either of the follicles are big enough, I'll also get an HCG trigger injection. This will trigger a sure ovulation of those follicles.

Round Three

I went to the RE yesterday to reconfirm that I'm not pregnant, and to get the prescription for my next round of Clomid. I'm up to 150mg/day now. I'm just going into this cycle not worrying or getting upset or uptight about it. Whatever happens happens.

When I went to CVS to fill the prescription they wouldn't because they said it was over the allowed dosage. WTF? So I had to go back a few hours later after they got an approval code from the doctor. Oh well.

It's weird. I had worse side effects from 50mg than i did on 100mg. I wonder how I'll be on 150.

Negative

Not pregnant, confirmed by blood.

Up next: round three of clomid.

Progesterone Suppositories

Ick. Now I know why they say to use them before bed. All I can say is panty liners are a must.

Low Progesterone

My progesterone came back low today, so I have to take a progesterone suppository to keep it up. (Progesterone prepares the lining of the uterus for pregnancy. Without enough progesterone implantation can be difficult, or can lead to miscarriage.)

For some reason my RE's office likes to use a "special" pharmacy for the progesterone. Seems odd to me, because it shouldn't be something tough to get. I even asked around and no one I know that's needed it had any problem getting it. So I've been sitting around all night waiting for the delivery from this very special pharmacy.

Nothing to update

Going in to have my progesterone checked tomorrow. I don't know how conclusive it so, so it's still a wait and see game.

The Long Wait

This will be with longest 2 week wait ever.

Today I felt a little crampy and sore, but not bad. Back to normal tomorrow.

IUI Complete

8am we went in for JB to produce his specimen. They told us to come back in an hour, so we went and had breakfast. Back to the office where we signed in again, and we waited. And waited. We waited for almost 90 minutes. Me? I don't care so much. What else did I have to do today. Him? A bundle of nerves. Twitching, sighing, tense.

Finally we got called back and shown to a room. The nurse came in and we signed all the paperwork indicating that we were both cool with the procedure, and that we were both who we said we are, then the doctor came in and did his thing.

It was uncomfortable, but not unbearable. The nurse said it would feel like a pap, but yeah, not quite. It wasn't as bad as the HSG I had back in January, but it was worse than a pap. Let's just hope this takes, so I don't have to go through another cycle of this.

Still no line, but...

My follicle (only one... don't know what happened to the other!) is 23mm as of today, and my E2 levels are "surging" so off we go for IUI tomorrow morning!

No Line

Not a dark enough one, anyway.

This means our brief getaway is off, which really sucks, because we both really need to get out of here. At least we spent a nice weekend on Staten Island.

Tomorrow I'm back for blood and another sono. Keep your fingers crossed that Tuesday is the day.

Seriously?

14.5 and 10.5. Seriously, follicles, that's not the right answer. Those are the measurements from this morning, which means that we don't have to cancel our plans for tonight, but we do have to cancel our VACATION plans for Monday. Come on, man! Vacation was supposed to take my mind off the last few days of the 2ww, instead it MIGHT be just beginning, and we don't even get the luxury of getting out of this damn city for a few days.

If by some miracle my E2 levels are way up today, I'll get a call to do IUI tomorrow, or if I get a dark positive OPK tomorrow or Sunday, we can go in Monday for the IUI and salvage vacation.

Slowest Follicles on the Planet

Follicles (eggs) need to be approximately 20mm in size and my E2 (estradiol) levels need to be at least 300 in order to attempt IUI. Last cycle I was on 50mg of Clomid and I hit 300+ on CD18. This cycle I was on 100mg of Clomid, so my doctor thought I would ovulate sooner. Not me!

Today is CD18, and my two mature follicles are 11.5 and 12mm. Up from 10 and 10.5 on Monday. WTF eggs? Get MOVING! My E2 must still be low today, because the office hasn't called. The doc was pleased with that rise though: from 57 on Friday to 100+ on Monday.

5 years

We've been trying to have a baby for almost 5 year now. It's been on and off, but we've never not tried in all that time. Last month we, well... I started seeing a reproductive endocrinologist. A fertility doctor. It hasn't been easy.

Right now I'm in the middle of my second cycle of Clomid. The first cycle was half the dose I took this cycle, and I was a sloth last cycle. So far this cycle the side effects don't seem as intense, although I get a lot more hot flashes.

I see the doctor about once a week. Since I'm coming up on ovulation right now, I was there Monday, and I'm going again tomorrow. If all looks good, we expect to do IUI (intrauterine insemination, or what used to be called "artificial insemination") at the end of the week.

I meant to start this blog the first day I went to the RE, but was so overwhelmed that I couldn't. I'm ok with it now. Or at least I'm ok with it all at this moment. As me again in 15 minutes.