Gone Fishin'

Yes, literally. Florida State Fishing License in hand, we leave at 3:45am tomorrow for the Keys, which is fisherman's paradise. I'm really looking forward to this mental break. Last time we went I was the better fisher-person of the two of us, although JB hauled in (and released) a nice Goliath grouper. If you ask him, he'll even grudgingly admit I'm better than him. That's only because I've been fishing since I was 3 years old. He waited for 33 to start. I assure you, our kid(s) will start as early as I did.

Gook luck to everyone while I'm away, and see you next week!

On the brighter side of things...

...I'll be able to enjoy massive quantities of rum on vacation next week.

In other words, negative.
I won't be pregnant before our 7th anniversary.
I won't be pregnant before I'm 37.

This next cycle will even be completely up in the air. If this next cycle follows my previous history, AF will show up on day 2 or 3 of vacation. (Oh joy! On our anniversary! What a treat!) The RE usually sees me on day 3, 4, or 5 to prescribe that cycle. I won't be able to get in to see her before CD6 or 7. We discussed injectables last cycle and ordered them. Thousands of dollars of Follistim are sitting in my fridge. I was really hoping to be able to donate it to someone who isn't as fortunate as me with drug coverage, but now they'll be mine. The question is whether I'll be using them this cycle or next. If we're not back for me to see the doctor in time this cycle (she won't start a new course of action without a sonogram and blood test to reconfirm no pregnancy - ya know, because AF isn't enough) we'll just go natural and skip IUI this month. At least that's what I'm thinking now. I could take the Follistim pen with me and try to convince the doctor to just let me start, but I don't really want to deal with the hassle of flying with needles and liquids.

Now, pass me a bottle of Cruzan.

Just a few more hours of waiting

I'll have a call before 3pm!

Why do RE's offices allow patients to bring children with them? I've heard of some that don't, but mine clearly doesn't have that rule. It seems like there's always a child there. I don't always mind so much if it's an older child, but so often women come in with infants. Yes, I know people want to have children close together sometimes, but it just doesn't seem nice to other patients to parade your baby around in there. Heck even message boards have baby-free zones, including a small one that I moderate. You just don't do it, you know?

Today was just bizarre though. There were three of us in the waiting room, and a woman came in with a 9 month old. How do I know it was a 9 month old? Well, she sat down next to one of the other women and started saying "Isn't she cute? Look at her trying to stand! She's only 9 months old and she thinks she can walk! Silly girl! I love my baby!" and then the final straw, she turned to the woman next to her and said, "Do you have babies waiting for you at home?" WTF? Have you no sense of decorum, woman? I'm glad your treatment obviously worked, but that was not the place to show off your baby.

By popular demand!

I have nothing new to report. ;-) Tomorrow's the big blood test day. I'm protesting POAS. Why spend $10 on them, when I just have to spend another $30 at the doctor anyway? (Of course if I get a BFP from the doctor, I'll run right out and get a pee stick for the sake of photography!)

Stay tuned...

Bleeeeh

Day two of no appetite and constant nausea. Interesting.

(Although Progesterone did that to me last month, too. Another cruel joke.)

God's Little Joke

That's what this is, you know. We were the first of all of the kids on JB's father's side to get married because we didn't have a bun in the oven. Three out of seven cousins had children before us, and all were pregnant out of wedlock in this oh so Catholic family. So, we often say that it's God's little joke for actually wanting to get married and have kids, instead of just finding ourselves pregnant and having the obligatory exchange of vows. Since we embarked on this barren journey, two more of his cousins have given birth to little oopsies.

Very funny, God. Time to end the joke.

Friendship Award

I've been tagged by OhEmily, a fellow infertility blogger that I just started following recently. She's from Finland. (Did I get that right, Emily? Why do I want to say you're from Denmark? ) Thank you for tagging me, Emily, and I look forward to getting to know more about you, including knowing for sure where you're from, and finding a happy end to your if journey.

1. Do you have the same friends since childhood?
I recently reconnected with a lot of childhood friends via Facebook, and I have to say, it's been a blast. I have one friend, Alex, that I grew up with but don't see often, but when we do see each other, it's like we've never been apart.

2. What do you value most about your friends?
Support, non-judgement, honesty.

3. Are your friends sounding boards?
Absolutely!

4. What is your favorite activity to share with friends?
Drinking, eating, spending time with each other laughing. Time spent laughing with good friends can make all your troubles go away, if only for a little while.

I'm tagging ThinkingMiracles, another fellow IF blogger.

IUI #3 complete

JB couldn't come with me to the RE today, so I transported his deposit in my pocket. I find it odd that I have to produce a copy of his drivers license at the andrology/morphology lab when I present them with his goods. As if that proves it came from him. "Ah yes, his swimmers look just like him!" I killed the hour waiting by getting a cup of coffee and getting cheap less expensive gas at a station that was surprisingly full service. When I first started driving I swore I'd never pump my own gas. Silly 17 year old! Now it seems completely alien to me to not to pump my own.

Back at the RE I didn't have to wait long when I got back. I was shown to the room and the nurse came in immediately to confirm that the goods were JB's goods. Again with the license. Good numbers today. We got that squared away, she set up, I emptied my bladder, got undressed, climbed up on the table, put the paper drape over me, and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally Dr. Brad walked in, followed by the FNP that I don't like. (Dr. Brad was also the doc on my first IUI back in July. While we were waiting in he waiting area, I overheard him being introduced to the front desk staff because it was his first day. I believe I was his first patient/procedure in the practice.) He was quite chatty today, which is always odd when you're sitting there with no pants on. He said he hoped it was a pointless conversation, but we're going with injectables next cycle, but he really hoped it was a moot conversation. Yay for being positive, Dr. B! He continued to be chatty throughout the procedure, which again, is odd, but better then a sullen doctor, right? Just a mild burning sensation and it was all over.

Back again in 2 weeks for a pregnancy test. Let's keep everything crossed!

Well finally!

I was getting angrier by the minute waiting for the RE's office to call (or not) today, and decided to go out to Target. Of course they called as soon as I left to tell me my levels are good, and come in for an IUI tomorrow.

Here we go!

Can you believe I'm STILL waiting?

CD20, and still no IUI.

The FNP reprimanded me this morning for having the Follistim delivered there. I never did like her, and I've had words with her before, so this was just lovely. I'm a freaking slave to going there everyday, and no one could tell me for sure whether this package was coming on Friday or Saturday, and it required a signature. I sure as hell wasn't sitting around all day waiting for it when they're there 7 days a week.

I also asked her when exactly I needed to take this, since it was so urgent in the first place, and she said, "Well, maybe next cycle." I wanted to knock her goddamn head off. I cannot believe that they made me almost hysterical trying to get the meds, then she answered me so non-chalantly?

Of course I'm back AGAIN tomorrow for blood again. I feel like I'm ovulating right now. This minute. But no phone call from them to say that I was showing a surge in my blood today, but who knows.

...and another thing

Now I'm probably not taking the Follistim this cycle. After all that drama, now it's too late, or something. The hell? I have THOUSANDS of dollars worth of it in my fridge right now. Thank God I didn't pay for it. I just don't get it. She talked to me about it on Monday, why the hell didn't she either act on it sooner, or not have me get it this time? Their office is the one that insists that I can only buy these drugs three times in my lifetime, and now they've gone and wasted a chance? I'm so annoyed by them.

Be aware of your insurance rights!

If you are struggling with infertility and don't know what your insurance will cover, please check the ASRM (American Society of Reproductive Medicine) website to see what coverage is available to you by state law. I found out through this that my 4 rounds of Clomid so far should have been covered by insurance, so now I have to a) find the receipts for it (which I know I threw at least 1 out), and b) fill out forms to fight for it. At least I'll know if I need it again that I need to fill out the form right away. How sneaky of them though! If I never found that link, I never would have known.

Come on, already!

I have the slowest freaking ovaries on the planet, I swear.

On Thursday I was back at the good ol' RE for blood, sono, and injection lessons. I'm sure I'll be fine after the first one, but I am dreading it. Thursday's exam showed 2 growing follies, and "many small ones." After all that I met with the... I don't know what she was - she's the clinic's expert on getting patients the most drugs for the least money, and within what your insurance plan allows. I had already called the insurance company about the injectables, and they never mentioned a limit on how many times I can be prescribed them, but the clinic expert insists that I can only get them three times in a lifetime. Since it's my nature, I argued with her, but really, whatever at this point. Dr. S said she would over-prescribe so that if I need them again next cycle I don't use up another chance, and I'll just have it on hand.

The expert called me back Thursday afternoon to tell me it was all taken care of, and I'd be getting a call from the pharmacy to set up delivery. The pharmacy called Thursday night to confirm some details, and said that I'd be receiving the package Saturday and it required a signature. Crap! FedEx service is so unreliable here - sometimes they don't even ring the bell and just leave the stupid note that they were there, so I wasn't trusting that. We've also had packages signed for by the super, and he doesn't tell us for 2-3 days. Luckily since the RE office is open on weekends, I just had it sent there.

Friday night the pharmacy calls again to tell me there's a problem with the prescription. Dr. S had said she was going to prescribe Follistim, but the expert said that insurance companies prefer Gonal-F, so Dr. S said ok, she'd prescribe that instead. I don't know what the difference is - they're both brand names of the same drug, urofollitropin. (Ugh, I just saw the side effects - great.) So anyway, the nice woman on the phone said the script came through for Follistim, and she was all worried about it costing more and she couldn't get the doctor's office to call back, and she didn't want me to spend so much. I asked her what my cost would be and she said she didn't know yet, but wanted to give me a heads up and see if I could reach the doctor. Since it was almost 8pm and she was frantic, I asked her to just get me the cost for the Follistim before there was any panic. She called me back a few minutes later and apologized that my copay was going to be $25. Please, no apology necessary. I think I can swing that. She was so relieved it wasn't an issue for me. Despite the crappy economy, $25 for thousands of dollars worth of drugs is just fine with me.

This morning we rushed from NJ to get to my RE appointment at 8:15. I think I like going on Sundays - I was in and out in 10 minutes. Today I'm at CD18, and I have an 18mm and 11mm follicle, and still have "many" small ones. The nurse said she'd call if my blood indicated I should start my injections tonight, but no call as of almost 4pm, so I'm assuming no. I'm back again tomorrow for just blood to see if I need to start them tomorrow. I want to just do it already because I'm so anxious about it!

You know, when JB and I talked about kids before we were married we would go back and forth about having 2 or 3 kids (I wanted 3, he wanted 2), and now we'd give anything for just one. I certainly don't think I could put myself through all this again when and if we even get to have one child.

Pregnant people everywhere

Except here.

These people are currently pissing me off. Could Mama "Clown Car Vagina" Duggar say, "children are God's gift" just one more time, please? Where's my gift? Am I not good enough?

Sometimes customer service people do go above and beyond

After looking at the possible costs for injectables, calling my mom and crying to her about it, crying to my sister in law Liz, crying to my internet friends - all literally, as yesterday was the day of tears from morning till night, I started calling our various insurance providers to see what the deal was.

I never questioned Clomid not being covered, because I knew from others that had been on it that it's rare that it's covered. I figured who could it hurt to call and ask about Follistim. First I called our health insurance, because we have some kind of additional rider on our policy that is supposed to cover some drugs that aren't covered under our prescription insurance. No dice there. They were so rude, but that's par for the course.

Next I called our prescription drug insurance company. The first girl I spoke to was very helpful, and said she couldn't help me, but transfered me to the specialty pharmacy division. I spoke for a bit with the girl there, giving her all of my information and the doctor's information, and she said they'd get back to me.

It sort of slipped my mind today that I needed to follow-up with them if I didn't get a call, but they called me back as we were eating dinner. (Gotta love caller ID on the TV screen - I nearly flew off the sofa when I saw who was calling.) The bad news she had for me was that I was not covered by them for this drug. The good news was that she knew by JB's employer that we did have coverage for this on yet a different insurance plan. She was even nice enough to give me the phone number and the web site for this coverage.

I remember we used to have member cards for this insurance, but then we got other drug plan insurance cards, and I think we assumed that they replaced this other thing, so we threw them out. Typical me.

I went to the website and clicked on the member button. It asked for member ID number to set up an account, so I tried the obvious, and it worked! I was in! I plugged in the information to price out the Follistim, but it came back that I would have to call for a price. Off to the phone! I navigated several menus, plugged in the same info over and over again, and finally just pressed 0 in hopes that there was a human somewhere on the other end. After holding a bit an angel came on the line. I gave her the basic information that she asked for and she said YES! OMG OMG OMG!

We have a $100 deductible, and once that is met, the Follistim will be $25! OMG! I'd even be happy to pay $100 for it!

JB's told me before that his coworkers bitch about copays - doctor visits are $15, and covered drugs (which are 99% of what most people ever need) are $5. Cost to employees? ZERO. How many people in the US get FREE health insurance? We pay ZERO for IUI's. My fertility treatments so far have been about $15,000 and it's cost us maybe $400 out of pocket, not including Clomid and HCG. (Speaking of which, if I need that again next month, I'll have to see if that's covered too. Fortunately the cost of that is a lot easier to swallow that the Follistim if it isn't.) If JB ever tells me again that one of his coworkers bitched about copays, I will personally go punch them in the face.

Injectables

SIgh. I don't mind getting shots, I'm used to being stuck with needles for bloodwork all the time now, but I cringe at the thought of having to give myself an injection. But now it's come to that. On Thursday I'm going in for the usual b/w and sono, and then to learn how to give myself injections of Follistim.

Sadly, I'm not only terrified of giving myself shots, I'm terrified of what this is going to cost. I know we're very lucky to have the insurance we do, but doesn't make spending hundreds of dollars a month on non-insured drugs any easier to swallow.

Anemia

At an RE appointment a few weeks ago, the doctor said my iron count was a bit low, and to try to get it up with diet. For weeks I've tried to get it up by eating foods that are rich in iron - shellfish, leafy greens, beef, etc. This week the doctor reported that my numbers are even lower, so she prescribed me Repliva 21/7. So far the only effects I feel are constipated and stinky. Ew.